HER CAT MUST BE AWESOME
© 2010 Mike McGee

She has to get home to feed her cat and I’m thinking, ‘Your cat is fine. It will survive a night without you.’

She says, “He can’t be alone overnight.”

I tell her I feel the same way all the time. And I actually have something to offer the world.

She says her cat’s special. It sounds like he’s saying ‘Reno’ when he meows.

“Reno?” I ask. As in “Reno, Nevada?”

“Yep.” She says emphatically. “Reno.”

“All the time? As in every time it meows?”

“No, only every once in a while, like when he’s really craving attention or needs to be brushed.”

“Oh.” I say. Oh.

I tell her that when I’m craving attention, I take my shirt off, exposing the Katherine Hepburn-shaped birthmark on my stomach and make it talk: ‘Hello, everybody! Got any more tequila?’

I just met you and I by now you must realize I am human and I have needs and I can love you, actually love you. I’m not jumping the gun here, but I am capable of real love, not this programmed feline, ‘you’re the keeper of the food, so I guess I’ll stick around,’ bullshit.

Does your cat have the ability to make a room laugh without it having anything to do with its own failure? Can it use a QWERTY keyboard? Does it understand how to code even a modicum of HTML? Can it Photoshop images of you to look like you have a handlebar mustache? I don’t thinks so!

I can do half of those things while I have soup cooking on the stove. See these thumbs!? Do you? DO YOU!!? These mean I win.

“You’re right.” She says coyly. And we boned right there at Taco Bell. Nine months later, we had 8 kittens.

They run my website now.
———
Word to the nerd.
Bunny up.

HER CAT MUST BE AWESOME
© 2010 Mike McGee

She has to get home to feed her cat and I’m thinking, ‘Your cat is fine. It will survive a night without you.’

She says, “He can’t be alone overnight.”

I tell her I feel the same way all the time. And I actually have something to offer the world.

She says her cat’s special. It sounds like he’s saying ‘Reno’ when he meows.

“Reno?” I ask. As in “Reno, Nevada?”

“Yep.” She says emphatically. “Reno.”

“All the time? As in every time it meows?”

“No, only every once in a while, like when he’s really craving attention or needs to be brushed.”

“Oh.” I say. Oh.

I tell her that when I’m craving attention, I take my shirt off, exposing the Katherine Hepburn-shaped birthmark on my stomach and make it talk: ‘Hello, everybody! Got any more tequila?’

I just met you and I by now you must realize I am human and I have needs and I can love you, actually love you. I’m not jumping the gun here, but I am capable of real love, not this programmed feline, ‘you’re the keeper of the food, so I guess I’ll stick around,’ bullshit.

Does your cat have the ability to make a room laugh without it having anything to do with its own failure? Can it use a QWERTY keyboard? Does it understand how to code even a modicum of HTML? Can it Photoshop images of you to look like you have a handlebar mustache? I don’t thinks so!

I can do half of those things while I have soup cooking on the stove. See these thumbs!? Do you? DO YOU!!? These mean I win.

“You’re right.” She says coyly. And we boned right there at Taco Bell. Nine months later, we had 8 kittens.

They run my website now.
———
Word to the nerd.
Bunny up.

Originally published at Mike McGee Town. You can comment here or there.

I’ve always had this view of my role in the spoken word/writing/poetry communities that I am privy and privileged to be a part of, that my style of work and my stage persona (if you will) is one of Spoken Word 101. I am a beginner’s guide to poetry and spoken word. I am a gateway drug into the world of poetry slam and performance poetry.

I hear often from fans, new and old, that my body of work was their first introduction to spoken word/poetry slam. Thanks to videos online and the sheer amount of mp3s that have circulated, along with my web presence and outlets like Indiefeed and Slam Idol, I have had a lot of promotion. I understand the accessibility of what I write and say. I want it to be that way. I want people of all ages and locales to be able to get even the tiniest grasp of what I need to convey, no matter the language of their ears.

Sometimes I ponder the value of my more serious work. I am a comedian who feels very detached from the stand-up comedy world. I am a comic who lacks a routine. I think there are a lot of us who’ve adhered to and been adopted by the poetry and spoken word universe. We’re lucky. I think there are still more out there who could use this environment and grow from it.

I think that I have been so wrapped up in “living the experience of being a poet” that I’ve forgotten my roots in humor. I will put aside ideas for funny poems in order to dwell on serious, heart wrenching, and sad writings, when my greatest strengths are in the funny work. It’s easy for me. It’s the one thing I can think of I can say that about.

Tony Brown really made me think about all of this. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since our conversation. It was so helpful and complimentary. While I sit and wonder what it takes to write the most in depth poetry possible, wondering how Mojgani does what he does, how McKibbens does what she does, Khary Jackson, Shira Erlichman, Brian Ellis, and all of the Browns, they may wonder how writers like me do what we do. Maybe.

I have to own what I do and do it better than I did yesterday. I started doing this in 1998 because Trenchard and Feff believed in me so much that they wouldn’t settle for me doing it socially anymore, that I had to do it all the time. I found a small niche in the San Jose Poetry Slam, then the Bay Area scene and I realized that not only was I welcome to keep on it, but that it was expected.

It’s hard sometimes when I follow a funny poem with something from my guts, and the audience laughs in the assumption that it’s more comedy. It’s a strange feeling, but I have dealt with it hundreds of times.

Tony mentioned the film Stardust Memories by Woody Allen, which I have yet to see, but it is about a filmmaker who wants to be taken seriously for his dramas, but he’s so much better at comedy. People dig his comedy.

Most comedians just want to be seen as artists since what they do is an art to them. I believe this even more now this morning. I am an artist. I am a funny artist and I will own this from now on.

Thanks so much, Tony. So very much.

Love,
McGeefer Sutherland
———
Word to the nerd. No, really.

I’ve always had this view of my role in the spoken word/writing/poetry communities that I am privy and privileged to be a part of, that my style of work and my stage persona (if you will) is one of Spoken Word 101. I am a beginner’s guide to poetry and spoken word. I am a gateway drug into the world of poetry slam and performance poetry.

I hear often from fans, new and old, that my body of work was their first introduction to spoken word/poetry slam. Thanks to videos online and the sheer amount of mp3s that have circulated, along with my web presence and outlets like Indiefeed and Slam Idol, I have had a lot of promotion. I understand the accessibility of what I write and say. I want it to be that way. I want people of all ages and locales to be able to get even the tiniest grasp of what I need to convey, no matter the language of their ears.

Sometimes I ponder the value of my more serious work. I am a comedian who feels very detached from the stand-up comedy world. I am a comic who lacks a routine. I think there are a lot of us who’ve adhered to and been adopted by the poetry and spoken word universe. We’re lucky. I think there are still more out there who could use this environment and grow from it.

I think that I have been so wrapped up in “living the experience of being a poet” that I’ve forgotten my roots in humor. I will put aside ideas for funny poems in order to dwell on serious, heart wrenching, and sad writings, when my greatest strengths are in the funny work. It’s easy for me. It’s the one thing I can think of I can say that about.

Tony Brown really made me think about all of this. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since our conversation. It was so helpful and complimentary. While I sit and wonder what it takes to write the most in depth poetry possible, wondering how Mojgani does what he does, how McKibbens does what she does, Khary Jackson, Shira Erlichman, Brian Ellis, and all of the Browns, they may wonder how writers like me do what we do. Maybe.

I have to own what I do and do it better than I did yesterday. I started doing this in 1998 because Trenchard and Feff believed in me so much that they wouldn’t settle for me doing it socially anymore, that I had to do it all the time. I found a small niche in the San Jose Poetry Slam, then the Bay Area scene and I realized that not only was I welcome to keep on it, but that it was expected.

It’s hard sometimes when I follow a funny poem with something from my guts, and the audience laughs in the assumption that it’s more comedy. It’s a strange feeling, but I have dealt with it hundreds of times.

Tony mentioned the film Stardust Memories by Woody Allen, which I have yet to see, but it is about a filmmaker who wants to be taken seriously for his dramas, but he’s so much better at comedy. People dig his comedy.

Most comedians just want to be seen as artists since what they do is an art to them. I believe this even more now this morning. I am an artist. I am a funny artist and I will own this from now on.

Thanks so much, Tony. So very much.

Love,
McGeefer Sutherland
———
Word to the nerd. No, really.

Originally published at Mike McGee Town. You can comment here or there.

From Daniell Dottie (fake spam name, mebbe?)

I am lady. I have a brown hair with pale shimmering. My eyes is green. I am not high. I have beautiful hair. My hair is short wavy. I live in a big city. I work in commerce. I like to watch horror films. Representations in the theater. I like shopping . I like forest. If you talk about me I am loyal girl. Most of all in men I value sense of humor. When I you saw on the street. lightning agreed that should. Because I can be for you a excellent lover or someone great if you want. I’m hope that you answer me on my e-mail.

Here’s what it would look like if I wrote it:

I am boy. I have much brownlight hair with the face. My enemy mine gets I very stoned. I have beautiful belly. My hair is short wave radio. I am a city. I work in comede. I like to horror filmwatchers. Represent! I shop liking . I cut down forest if you talk about me. I am not a girl. Most of all in men I sense humor in their value. When I saw you on the street. thunder talk much. Because I can be for me a excellent lover or someone with great hands. I’m hope.

Here’s my attempt at responding in the voice of someone who has no idea it’s spam:

Hello there, Daniell!

Oh, and not that this is important, but would you send me a picture of yourself? I am not picky!
–––––––––
Word to the nerd.