I like ladies. I really do. I once dreamt of a lady with pale shimmering brown hair. She was a brunette. I never wanted to wake from the dream. Most of it was about her hair and how it did things hair CANNOT do in real life.

But you’re real life. You and your brown hair, that you told me about a few times. I’m glad you referred to it a lot because I love brunettes.

You say it is short and wavy. That’s okay, I guess. At least hair can grow! No worries. Would you be okay with straightening your brown hair, my lovely, sober brunette? Forgive this request… I am jumping the gun. I don’t love you yet, do I? I will learn to. I am ready. Just sitting here in my parents basement working on code (I can explain what that is when you get to the U.S.), and dreaming of you, Mz. Dottie. Wow, you never know just when the right one’s gonna come along, then bam! You’ve just made my day with this email, miss. Really.

Goodness! You’d never know it, but up until this sentence, I had to re-write everything you just read because I spilled Mt. Dew Code Red all over my desk when my cats jumped up onto it and started fighting! In the ensuing chaos I guess I accidentally deleted what I had already written you. No worries, your unexpected email is inspiration enough to re-write it a quadrillion times. I love typing for a cause. You’re already a good cause.

I am curious. I love theater and represented it at one point in my life as well. How did you know? And when did you see me on the street? Was it when my Rocky Horror "Bawdy Caste" was hanging outside the theater? Denny’s? Don’t be offended by this, but with your poor grammar, I assumed you didn’t live in the United States. Are you living here already? Did you see the show? Why didn’t you come up to me!? Since I don’t know what you look like or how you dress, or the fact that you existed until Hotmail dinged me just a moment ago, I could not have sought you out in the crowd. But I would have if you had reached me sooner.

Suffice it to say, I would love to meet up with you, if you’re interested. You surely sound interested and I am open to anything at this point. Do you drink coffee? There’s a great place here in Reno for frappes and such, if you’re into those things.

I am getting ahead of myself. Whew. We should just start slow, Daniell. You should meet my parents. They’re great. I mean, me and my siblings can come and go as we please here. It’s just like when we were kids, only now we all shave. Well, except my sister. Or does she? <–––(example of my sense of humor for your enjoyment.)

Anyhow! I wouldn’t be so eager if it weren’t for the forthright tone in your message. It seems like you know what you want. So below you will find my phone number and my address. If you’re in the area, feel free to stop by. I’d really like to take you out on a real date, if you’ve got the time. I sure do! But I understand. No matter what, have a great day!

Until we next time, m’lady, I bid you adieu. (bowing)